Last night, I fell asleep around 10pm, and must have entered into a deep sleep shortly after. It was the kind of sleep where I knew I was sleeping well. My body felt heavy, and all I know is that I was sleeping awesome…when suddenly, I got a very forceful finger jab to my eye socket. Yep. A FINGER JAB TO THE EYE SOCKET. I open my other eye, holding the injured one closed, and Bryant is just staring at me like a creep and saying nothing. I’m looking at him like, seriously?! SERIOUSLY! And, I think once he processed the fact that he did in fact punch me in the eye, and I did in fact notice, he mumbles “sorry” and closes his eyes again. He didn’t ask about the state of my eye, or sound sincere in the least, so I replied “you poked me in the eye! That hurt!” And I rolled over.

This was the first thing that I remembered when I woke up this morning. And the thing is, crap like this happens all the time in the middle of the night. Bryant is a really heavy sleepier, and he’s been known to have full on conversations with me in the middle of the night and not remember them the next day. Last week, he woke up and said “Diagonanelly.” It sounded a lot like “Diagon Alley” from Harry Potter, but slurred like when Harry tries to go there through the fireplace but he doesn’t annunciate. When we were living in Oregon, we had hung a giant picture above our bed. It was a pretty large canvas, and was hung by tight wire on the back. Even in my deepest sleep, if I hear a noise, I wake up. I am very aware of my surroundings even when I am sleeping. So, in the middle of the night, I heard what sounded like the picture crashing. I do not know how I knew thats what it was, but the sound so close to my head, I just knew it. I screamed, and got up and ran across the bed to the other side of the room, meanwhile yelling “GET UP! GET UP!” Bryant flipped his shit, and got up yelling “WHAAAAAAA!” And then he turned on the light. The picture hit a table that was to the right of the bed and then fell on what would have been our heads. Bryant just looks at me, and says “What!” He did not even realize that the picture had fallen. We had a conversation where I was upset that he turned on the light as his first reaction, especially since he had no idea why he was getting up. Had it been an intruder, I’m sure the light switch makes the most sense as a first response. A couple of weeks ago, I supposedly hit Bryant while he was sleeping. I don’t really believe him, since I distinctly remember getting up about 8 times that night to tend to our child who was struggling with sleeping on her tummy, but whatever. So I look over at him, and he’s just staring at me. He’s not saying anything. Just staring. I’m looking at him just waiting for him to say something. Finally, I say “What’s your deal?” He just rolls over. I said “You are creepy!” Bryant explained to me the next day what had happened, and he was shocked that I hit him, but again, this is questionable.

We don’t share the bed well. Something crazy seems to always happen, and truthfully, I feel like the victim. You hear that honey?! I AM THE VICTIM! YOU FINGER JABBED ME IN THE EYE SOCKET!

The End.