You know that feeling you get, right before something big is going to happen? You aren’t exactly sure how things are going to go; a little uncertain about how you will handle it, but you can sense it…you can feel the change coming. I felt the winds change today. Today was just like any other day, but I rolled out of bed, and just felt like I was different. Like yesterday, I grasped something new, and today was the beginning of that newness…except, I don’t remember experiencing anything completely revolutionary yesterday, so today, it just feels like I am about to start something.
In the last few weeks, I’ve felt this urge to do things better. Be a better mother. Be a better wife. Be healthier. Be a better steward of my money and time. I think this is always the goal, but there are times when it becomes more urgent, and I start to make practical lists of things that I can change and adjust. It is the dawn of a new school year; of a new life goal, and it is likely that with this new undertaking, I am anticipating that things will need to rearrange a little. But, I am expectant. I am excited.
When you are a mother, you try to see the world through the eyes of your own child. You watch her connect the dots. You watch her as she suddenly recognizes that you are a person with a face just like hers. You see her start to understand the limbs that God gave her–how they move and how each finger is strategically placed. Her world is constantly changing, at warp speed, and I see the winds changing their direction every morning when I pick her up. Her life, is starting to mirror my own. Giant leaps and then miniature steps…massive change, then a few weeks of consistency. She has placed a desire in my heart to build upon the person that I’ve become. It is something that I can be lazy at. I can easily take the same tone and be stuck on one note. God tugs at my heart strings to not become complacent, and yet still, I resist the need to move forward. But, Kinsey reminds me that I have a long way to go. I am the example for her. And, that…well, that is a pretty big role to fill. I will fail, yes. But, I’d like to be everything that I am called to be, for her.
The winds are changing. I can feel it. And it isn’t a scary change, not this time.