Well done, Josh. I appreciate the honesty of this post, and your take on the situation. I think there is a stigma attached to divorce…” the cheating bitch”…”the commanding husband”…etc. I think that more often than not, relationships change. There doesn’t have to be a rhyme or reason to it. People can be so quick to judge and offer their advice as to why marriages end. The truth is, shit happens. I think the most selfless thing is to be able to evaluate and communicate with your partner about these things, rather than suffer in silence for the sake of the marriage. I have often had the same thoughts as you have had in relationship to my marriage. What would happen to our friendship? Would that change because that is what we want, or because it’s what society tells us to do? I
Appreciate your honesty with how earth shattering it can be to end a marriage, but that life does continue. Any person in a marriage would be naive to think that this post does not relate to them. I know that I have asked that question, ” Is this relationship really a good thing for us?” Thank you for the eloquent and rawness of this post. It’s refreshing.
I loved his post for similar reasons. There is a lot of judgements that get thrown around the word “divorce.” Of course its awful, of course we don’t want it to be common, but just like anything else, it doesn’t define you. Life moves forward, and there is so much room for 2nd chances. And its also a really great reminder for me, in my own marriage, to be present, and to participate in the relationship. Because sometimes, decisions you make in the moment, you will feel awful about later, and in Josh’s case, a month later.
Josh, we’ve talked about your relationship with Jen a bit, and this post, to me, is such an incredibly testimony for people who go through similar things and get stuck in thinking that is it for them. It takes two people, and truthfully, not that I would want to be married to anyone else, but I believe I could make a marriage work or not work with a bunch of different people. Is that weird? I love my husband, and there is no one else who I’d rather do life with, but its incredibly silly to believe that there is just one. Marriage is a choice, and I think you could choose it again.
Also, I personally really like carrots…
Haha. I knew someone would call me out on my carrot hate.
Yeah, I agree. I personally have never believed in a “the one” by any stretch of the imagination. The world is too complex. I think you can make it work with a lot of people. And to me that’s what makes it special. You chose them. They chose you. It makes it all the more important. I personally don’t ever want to be with someone who thinks they’re supposed to be with me. I want to be with someone who can’t imagine life apart from me … and I want to feel the same way about them.
(Also, Amy, my response below was to you. I guess I hit the wrong reply.)
Thanks so much! You’re absolutely right. Things do change, and it’s hard to explain why sometimes. For us I think the explanation was easy, we got married at 21 and 19. We didn’t even know who we were yet. But even in more mature marriages, things just change.
That’s actually one of the hardest realizations for me. I still get scared that next time, things will be going along just fine and then things will change again. I just try to take comfort in knowing that I’ll have the benefit of knowing how hard it was the first time around, and maybe we’ll both try harder when push comes to shove.
Thanks for your comment!
Josh, I too appreciate your honesty and humility. The ability to reflect back and try to make sense of it all without laying blame is admirable. Learning through experience is the journey we are all on. I believe that someday you will experience the undeniable love of another and find yourself completed by them. You are an amazing writer!
Josh – there is a good friend of mine I thought of when reading this. I passed along the link to him just now. Thank you for taking the time (and Katie’s invite) to find these words and write then down. And Katie – great series.
[…] Reflections on the Future, A vulnerable post by my friend Josh about his […]